Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
