Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
