he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
