if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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