The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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