the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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