i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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