He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
