You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
