Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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