Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
