a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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