I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
