She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
