Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
