nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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