Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
