I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
