i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
