I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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