It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
