I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
