Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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