Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
