don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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