At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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