...so i touched it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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