Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
