I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize