i already hear my dad disowning me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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