You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
