She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
