Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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