he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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