i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
