Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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