New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
