alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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