Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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