I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
