too bad you live with your parents still
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
