A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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