when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
