And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
