I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
