its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need to calm my uterus...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
