but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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