What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
