i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
