Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
