Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Rumble strips road head = magical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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