I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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