I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
