Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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