my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
