Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
