I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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