I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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