dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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