I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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