God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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