Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
