wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
