your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He did a backflip because drugs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
