I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
