I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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