I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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