that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
