I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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