i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
