can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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