don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
