If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
two words: eviction party
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
