She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
