Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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