I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
