There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
