nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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