She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
