I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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