Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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