I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
