I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize