you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
