THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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