it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
