Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
