ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my being single is dangerous.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
