So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
