i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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