I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
