It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
