I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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